Body is Full

By: Veronica Sirotic

 

Body is full. Thud, thud, thud. Body takes it all. Thud, thud, thud. Baby is on top, fingers in a fist. Body says please, please, please. Body likes this, bouquet of fingers, Baby’s pink face, blond hair in strands. Body likes Baby like this, pushing and pushing and pushing.

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         Thank you, thank you, thank you, Body says, and then louder and louder, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Baby stops. Too loud? Baby shushes her. Looks out the window. Do you hear that Body? Body shakes head. Body lies. Body knows that Frankie’s out the window. Revving like a racecar. Leather jacket. Yellow boot on broken black car. Frankie bad. Frankie likes to rev, rev, rev while thud, thud, thud. Baby doesn’t like that. Body says Gaga says Frankie is on Drugs. Frankie bad. Baby says don’t talk about your Gaga right now, shushes Body and closes the curtains.

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         Here is a list of things that Body likes:

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         (Body goes over the list on the train again and again, drooling a little, droplets on plastic seats.) 

Body likes hard touch, deep fingerprints on back. Body likes choking, not too hard, but hard enough. Body likes being treated like a little baby, not Baby-baby but a little precious bundle of joy baby. Okay, sometimes Body likes being treated like body is dirty. Disgusting little Body. Body knows this is confusing for Baby. Baby asks which one? Which one? Body does not know. It’s just a feeling.

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         Body likes making a lot of noise. A LOT. Body likes yelling, moaning, sighing, yelping, laughing, and asking lots and lots of questions. Questions like Is Body Good? Is Body So Good? Body likes hearing “Yes, yes, yes.” Body is greedy that way.

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         Of course, Body likes Baby. Body LOVES Baby. And her bouquet of fingers.

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         Body likes the beach. Likes sand between toes. Likes sausage and bread. Globs of fat that pop like gum. Most of all Body likes Baby in the water, freckles on Baby’s arm, Baby’s face. Baby’s butt. Body loves Baby’s butt. Body loves carrying Baby like Big Strong Man in water and slipping hand inside Baby’s bathing suit, hard nipples like waxy buttons, then holding, grabbing Baby’s waist.

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         Later, tummies on the sand, wet from water, Body will whisper to Baby all the things Body will do when they get home to make Baby feel good. Body likes how Baby’s feet dig circles in the sand when Body says this.

Things Body does NOT like:

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         (List comes to Body unbidden. No drooling)

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          Body does not like Two Fingers Straight Up. Tight clothes. Men that have too much hair. Men that are too skinny. Men with enormous Adams Apples. Body doesn’t like Men.

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          Actually, Body has a hard time with men. Body LIKES Men. Body sometimes wants to BE Men. Body likes imagining it THRASHING ABOUT like a WILD ANIMAL. But when Body actually remembers Body gets a funny feeling in the tummy that Body does not like.

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           Body does not like soft touch. Body used to pretend that touch as light as a feather entranced Body, bewitched Body, but the truth is that Body felt like Body was floating very very far away when being touched.

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           Okay, Body knows that Men Are On The List but Body would really sometimes like to be A Man. Man with moustache and briefcase. Official-like.

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           Gaga is on both lists. Gaga drives Baby crazy. Gaga is fourth. Body, Baby, Frankie, and Gaga. Four together. It’s getting crowded. Gaga is old, many many decades of Body plus plus plus. Gaga has same smile as Body. Same three high pitched laughs. Ha Ha Ha! Same waist size. Smaller feet. Gaga is boss with white hair and sunspots. Body likes to wrestle Gaga as joke but Gaga is strong and pushes over Body. Ha ha ha! Gaga says, Gaga strong like bull. Take out trash, Gaga says. Clean the steps. Print this email. Don’t worry about that leak. Avoid Frankie.

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          Frankie is on drugs, Gaga says. Body knows that. Body need to lose weight, Gaga says. Big Body die sooner. Body knows that. Body sighs and looks to the wall like wall can answer for Body.

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         Gaga holds up a wrinkled hand. Body, what if someone like... Frankie came along? Body is confused. Gaga hates Frankie. Gaga rushes ahead. Frankie but..handsome. Younger. No drugs. What if Frankie came to your door with a beautiful red rose. And it wasn’t Frankie but someone else. Frankie body. Body belong with Frankie Body. Fit together, real nice-like.

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         Please Gaga, Body says. Body loves Baby. Body loves Baby’s tall body, Baby’s big butt, Baby, Baby, Baby.

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         Body, what made you like this? Please tell me what I want to know. What made you like this? Scream out the window. Frankie!