Keyboard Defecation

By: Ellery Liverseed

 

The infinite monkey theorem states that

if a monkey is given a typewriter and infinite time,

eventually he will happen to bang

the keys in such a way

that it generates the entirety of Shakespeare's works. Not just that, but left long enough,

he will generate

 

everything I’ve ever written. And not just that, but Borges says

everything I ever will write has already been

 

written and is already in

the infinitely infinite Library of Babel! So maybe,

I should just give up on this writing stuff now.

 

In 2002, the University of Plymouth used 2,000 euros of grant money

to study what monkeys would write when

actually left to it.

What happened was,

 

the monkeys began to defecate and urinate on the keyboard.

Though, they weren’t given infinite time. Things could have been different if

researchers had kept the proper hypothetical framework. Maybe they could have

figured out why all my life it

keeps repeating or

how to stop it from

eating me alive again

or maybe they

could figure out what I’m

even talking about here.

What am I talking about?

I’m talking about shit smeared on

a keyboard, baby! The university called it

performance art. The monkeys commented,

rather astute:

 

o o ah ah

 

I wonder what

Borges would say if he had lived to

see the shit monkeys. Would they

be as infinite as he hoped?

 

Was I as

infinite as you hoped?

I must be

something

primal myself, just banging on my keyboard

until I stumble across

 

my heart, still

 

beating in my hands.